why am i such an impatient person

Wendy Fong – Cornell University (MSc Engineering Physics)
Academic Director, Happy Students Tuition Agency Singapore

Why Am I Such An Impatient Person?

Patience is an essential virtue that can help us navigate life’s challenges with grace, calm, and composure.

Impatience is a lack of willingness to take a step back and evaluate the situation calmly.

What this means is that tempers flare, people get agitated, and the stress only increases.

When we can understand the reasons for our impatience, and are able to set realistic expectations, and can practice mindfulness and empathy, we can increase our patience and lead a more fulfilling life.

Why is patience important?

Patience helps us get the job done, and gets it done well.

Studies have shown that patience directly results in positive effects on creativity, production quality, collaboration, and stronger relationships.

Patience is important because it cultivates an atmosphere of realistic expectations, calm behavior, steadiness, forgiveness, perseverance, humility, and understanding, which are always conducive to a healthy and positive lifestyle.

Indeed, patience has positive effects on our physical and psychological health.

What causes impatience?

Habitual impatience might be the result of psychological, social, and biological factors:

 

 

 

  1. High pressure environments. There is high demand for quantifiable results when we are in school or in a work setting. We fear being scolded, and in turn, we get impatient and frustrated when things do not happen fast enough or in the way that we had planned
  2. Lack of control. When we feel like we have little or no control over a situation, we might become more impatient
  3. Stress, fear, and worry. When we feel that someone or something is letting us down, or not performing at the standard we expect, we might become impatient. High levels of stress can make us more irritable, reactive, and impulsive
  4. Time. Deadlines and anxiety over not being able to meet them is a typical recipe for impatience
  5. Personality traits. High levels of neuroticism, or low levels of conscientiousness, can contribute to impatience. People with these traits might struggle to manage frustration, and have a lower tolerance for delays. Some people are simply naturally more impatient than others
  6. Cognitive styles. Some individuals prioritize quick results or immediate gratification. They can start to feel frustrated when things do not happen as quickly as they expect
  7. Stress and anxiety. When under pressure, people may feel stressed and anxious – and therefore prone to having less patience for delays or obstacles
  8. Cultural influences. Some societal norms and values emphasize speed and efficiency. This can cause people to have unrealistic expectations, and they then develop a habit of impatience
  9. Life experiences. Past experiences can shape our behavior and preferences. If for example, we had frequently encountered unreasonable delays or obstacles, we might become impatient as a learned response
  10. Biological factors. Neurological differences can influence how patient we are. Variations in brain chemistry that affect impulse control and reward processing can lead to impatience
  11. Technology and instant gratification. We live in a world where we can have access to almost anything instantly – from fast food to online shopping. This has created a culture of instant gratification, where we now have immediate access to information and expect to get what we want immediately. This can condition us to expect fast responses, and we might feel frustrated when real-life situations do not match this pace

When we understand the above factors and how they affect us, we can become more aware of what is/are really causing us to be impatient – and to develop strategies to develop our patience more effectively.

Proven ways to increase patience

  1. Set realistic expectations: This involves being honest with ourselves about how long things will take, and not expecting things to happen instantly. Understand that things take time, and be patient with yourself and those around you. When we are stressed, our tolerance for delays and setbacks may decrease – making it harder for us to be patient
  2. Look at the long-term big picture. The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing, ask yourself: Will this matter to me next week, next month, next year, next 10 years? Most of the things that stress us would not matter next week. Maybe not even tomorrow. Therefore, we should stop agonizing over things that we cannot control, because we will only end up hurting ourselves
  3. Stop demanding perfection of yourself. None of us are perfect, and that is OK. Demanding perfection of ourselves (or of anyone else) will only stress you out, because it just is not possible
  4. Recognize the signs. When we are self-aware, we are better able to take stock of ourselves and find out how we physically react to impatience. Do we feel like shouting? Fists are clenched? Does our pulse speed up? These can be signs that our impatience is about to bubble over, and it is a good time for us to take a step back. Brace for impact, and let it pass. Breathe
  5. What are our triggers? When we feel like we have no control over a situation, we may become impatient, wanting it to be resolved quickly We need to figure out what triggers our impatience, we will have advance indications that we might soon be losing our temper, and can mitigate having impatient feelings overwhelm us. We can then learn how to deal with these potential feelings in a healthy way. Whenever we feel the need for instant gratification and want results NOW, this is a clear sign that we are starting to be impatient, and we can use coping strategies to handle those situations better.
  6. Trace it back. Take note of your answers for the 3 items above, so that you have a better idea of what causes you to be impatient. Do you want instant gratification because you require quantity instead of quality? If so, remind yourself that usually, good work takes time and hard work to prepare, and cannot happen instantly
  7. Empathy. When you put yourself in others’ shoes, you will be able to better understand where they are coming from, and the problems that they are facing. If you were them, would you be doing things or reacting differently? If so, can you help and guide them to do things so that the outcome is what you are expecting from them?
  8. Relax and breathe. When you get angry, your heart starts pumping and oxygen is used to fuel the anger. Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should come forward with each inhale). Imagine all that stress leaving your body with each exhale. Taking deeper breaths will bring more oxygen to your brain. The easiest and fastest way to reduce impatience is to engage in relaxation techniques like taking slow, deep breaths. This calms your mind and body very quickly. Breathing exercises are one of the most effective ways to control anxiety and impatience
  9. Loosen up. After your breathing session, you should next identify any areas in your body that are tight, tense, or is not at ease. Gently touch or massage any of your body parts that are tense, to encourage greater relaxation. It might help to imagine that you are in a place that calms you: the beach, or a nature trail. This will help you further relax
  10. Smile. Fake it if you have to. It is rather difficult to stay grumpy with a goofy grin on your face
  11. Take breaks. If you want to enhance the effect of calmness on your mind and body, you can physically take a step away and go for a walk or do something else that help you relax and clear your mind. Walk away from the situation. Walk until you calm down. You can be forgiven for leaving without asking, but some words can never be taken back or forgiven
  12. Go to the gym or for a run. Feeling angry and do not want to take it out on any person? Join a gym or start running – release testosterone and cortisol. You will sleep like a baby. Stressing out about the situation you are in will not do any good because you’re already in it, so just let it go. For the time being, just train yourself to distance yourself from the stressor. Listen to party music, read motivational books and just do the things you have always enjoyed doing
  13. Get enough sleep. We all know about “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”. When we do not have enough good quality sleep, we are more likely to be susceptible to losing our cool. Fortify your patience by giving yourself the advantage of a good night’s rest that is built around at least 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep
  14. Mindfulness. When we stay present in the moment and become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, we can learn to acknowledge that we are starting to be impatient and reduce the urge to rush things. Practice this for 10 minutes a day, focusing on your breath. Once you do this regularly for a month or two, it becomes a necessary habit, and you start to notice how aware of everything you can be. You realize how happy and calm you can be. You realize how silly it is to be angry all the time. You realize who is in control of your emotions (you) instead of your emotions being in control of you
  15. Delaying gratification. We live in a world where we can get things quickly and easily, and this can make us more accustomed to immediate results and less tolerant of delays or setbacks. Deliberately deferring gratification can help us become more patient. Choose to wait for things instead of immediately satisfying your desires This can involve things like waiting a few minutes before checking our phone, or delaying the purchase of something we want.
  16. Make lifestyle changes. When you are able to identify where your stress and impatience are coming from, you can find ways to get rid of or reduce these triggers. Always missing your bus? Leave home 5 to 10 minutes earlier. Takes too long to wait for your food when queuing at the hawker centre? Use your headsets to enjoy some of your favourite songs, and rest your mind while blocking out the rest of the world
  17. Develop a growth mindset. When we have a growth mindset, we are able to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as obstacles. Cultivating a growth mindset makes us more willing to wait for things to happen, and to see them as part of the journey
  18. Diversion. You can divert your waiting time into some creative thinking or planning, and this can bring you valuable rewards for being patient. Or, if you are stuck in a long line in the supermarket, discretely review the food selections of the person in front of you. Can you tell what is on their dinner menu? What can you make with the same ingredients? Time will pass quicker, when you distract your mind with something fun while waiting
  19. Be grateful. When you focus on being grateful, you can stay patient and contented. Since gratitude can improve your health, practice thankfulness to counter negative moods and impatience. The next time that something is not going your way, try to recall and be thankful for all the times in the past when things have gone right
  20. Find a Slow Hobby. Knitting, painting, sculpture, gardening are relatively inexpensive ways to explore your creative side and build patience and mindfulness. As a bonus, practicing these crafts will likely result in a beautiful object to decorate your home with, or to gift to your friends and family
  21. Practice patience. And practice again. It is important to develop good skills at coping with stress and impatience. You might not get ideal results the first time. It is therefore good to start with smaller, lower-stakes situations to practice your patience. Taking deep breaths and telling your body and mind to relax work very well, and this form of preparation can help you be more ready for larger-stakes situations

Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy.

Focusing only on the end result can quickly become exhausting.

Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out.

If you’d like to reduce stress and become calm and cool.

Patience is an important skill that is worth mastering, and we are very sure that when you routinely use the techniques that we have just described, you will start to feel calmer and more relaxed and focused very soon.

Good luck, and don’t get discouraged if you do not see immediate results. You will definitely experience improvements over time.

You will live longer, be happier, and will appreciate life more.

Plus, people will like you more – and who doesn’t want that?

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